First, thanks to everyone whose given me a kind word of getting well and each day feels better than the last. I was able to eat something other than soup last night and that definitely felt good.
As I was laying in bed last night reading I ran across a passage in the book where one of the male character was sharing he didn’t want to be that man everyone perceived him to be. The female character responds that having learned firsthand that no matter how many things she alters in her life she would never be the perfect woman. That we all make mistakes, give in to our weaknesses and stumble from time to time, after all we’re only human. Though with enough focus, we can make improvements over time. The short paragraph spoke volumes on so many levels for me.
A situation happened recently that has me feeling mixed emotions, down and yet it’s forced me to look at my feelings, other people’s feelings and my part in it. Kicking myself at the same time and wondering when did I lose my perspective and sensitivity that I missed seeing something. Could it have made a difference somehow if I knew what I know now. You then wonder, question and doubt. Not this time. There isn’t anything to wonder, question or doubt and I blame no one, but myself for this.
Yes, perfection doesn’t exist for me either. I stumbled and made mistakes on this life road, giving into weaknesses. Though life is presenting me with a chance to make it right and that’s where I am in my thinking of what should I do now. That place where your head and heart contradict each other. The side of harsh reality or the side where you hold on. I don’t want to get stuck in the what if’s anymore. I placed myself on hold for far too long now. I have no regrets for doing so. It shows hope is alive in me. My faith is strong. I gave my best. I gave my worse. I gave of myself and the love in me I knew. No, not perfect. Just me.
That’s where I am right now and having to decide what do I need to hold on and let go of to get myself refocused. I considered stopping to blog and even leaving Second Life, though it’s not something I’m ready to do. Though I feel the need to cut back on some of my commitments. One of those cuts is posts with lil me. Since one of the events I blogged for has been going through some internal issues and I blog only for a few creators, this seems like a reasonable place to start to pull back. This is not to say that I won’t ever take a picture again with her or take on a special assignment. I just won’t have the commitments that I need to make sure and honor. In fact, the little girl in me really needs some laughter to heal some of that brokenness I feel right now, so you may find a little imp running around on the grid soon. She’s starting to feel a little rebellious now.
For the most part I will be keeping only a few commitments and sticking to just home and garden. My other blog gives me enough room to expand on my love of fantasy and learning additional skills in the world of photography and digital art.
Thanks everyone for listening to my ramblings today. I think that in some way I needed to verbalize them to initiate a change and a change in me.
*Pose: Lazy Afternoons – Buglets @ Post Fair 2016